Mission
I have just returned from my annual spiritual retreat in Tagaytay. I felt I really needed this retreat because I was feeling low in all aspects of my life.
Physical
Physically, I was beginning to feel weak and sluggish. I had bouts with migraine headaches and indigestion. Once a day, I would feel a trembling in my chest is if my heart was skipping a beat. Sometimes, there would be a stabbing pain in my heart which, most of the time, would be heartburn. I've also had some difficulty in sleeping. This was aggravated by my recent trip to Turkey. Aside from getting sick there due to milk, I had a very hard time re-adjusting my body clock to the local time.
Emotional
It suddenly dawned on me that I would soon be alone. I feel an emptiness and a loneliness as I realize that Aina is graduating in less than a year and will soon have a career and life of her own. I am longing for companionship. How I wish I could grow old with someone. I hope being with someone would not add any complications to my life. May I meet a person who would truly care for me and get along and love Aina as her own.
Spiritual
Even my relationship with God seems to be at a low point. Most of it may be caused by guilt. I fear the Lord and I am ashamed to face Him. I have stumbled and am having difficulty getting up. I have to drag myself to Mass and even miss going to the service if I don't feel like it.
The retreat has revealed to me a lot of things most important of which is the realization that I am not living my own life. I am living a life based on people's expectations of me. "Franco the mabait" is an image that has been a burden to me all my life. I am tired of living up to this expectation. I am tired of playing the role of the "go to guy". I want to be free and live my life. I think that is why I was attracted to Rinnah. She allowed me to be myself. She brought out the adventurous side in me. With her, I had become a rebel.
It's time I live on my own. I know that I will truly be happy when I truly break free from my dependence on my parents. I want to live far away where no one can tell me what I should do, whom I should be with, how I should act. It is time that I TRULY BE ME!
Physical
Physically, I was beginning to feel weak and sluggish. I had bouts with migraine headaches and indigestion. Once a day, I would feel a trembling in my chest is if my heart was skipping a beat. Sometimes, there would be a stabbing pain in my heart which, most of the time, would be heartburn. I've also had some difficulty in sleeping. This was aggravated by my recent trip to Turkey. Aside from getting sick there due to milk, I had a very hard time re-adjusting my body clock to the local time.
Emotional
It suddenly dawned on me that I would soon be alone. I feel an emptiness and a loneliness as I realize that Aina is graduating in less than a year and will soon have a career and life of her own. I am longing for companionship. How I wish I could grow old with someone. I hope being with someone would not add any complications to my life. May I meet a person who would truly care for me and get along and love Aina as her own.
Spiritual
Even my relationship with God seems to be at a low point. Most of it may be caused by guilt. I fear the Lord and I am ashamed to face Him. I have stumbled and am having difficulty getting up. I have to drag myself to Mass and even miss going to the service if I don't feel like it.
The retreat has revealed to me a lot of things most important of which is the realization that I am not living my own life. I am living a life based on people's expectations of me. "Franco the mabait" is an image that has been a burden to me all my life. I am tired of living up to this expectation. I am tired of playing the role of the "go to guy". I want to be free and live my life. I think that is why I was attracted to Rinnah. She allowed me to be myself. She brought out the adventurous side in me. With her, I had become a rebel.
It's time I live on my own. I know that I will truly be happy when I truly break free from my dependence on my parents. I want to live far away where no one can tell me what I should do, whom I should be with, how I should act. It is time that I TRULY BE ME!
posted by kofranks at 4:15 AM
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