On Turning 53
As I turn 53 next month, November 14, 2016 to be exact, I reflect on the life that has just passed me by. It seems only yesterday that I was a carefree kid who had no worries in life except to enjoy the company of family ... and toys ... and TV.
I have gone thru trials too, even almost losing my life twice.
One, in the summer of 1978, when, as a 14-year old, I got a ruptured appendix that led to peritonitis (too medical a term for others but it is an infection in the abdominal cavity). I was operated on twice, was in the ICU for a week, and was given a 50-50 chance of survival.
Two, before Holy Week of 1993, 3:00 in the afternoon, I was traversing the area of ABS-CBN along Bohol Avenue, when my car was bumped from behind. I alighted from my car to speak to the other driver and check-out the damage when suddenly two armed men came out from the back seat and pointed their guns at me. It was an attempted carnap. Instictively, I turned my back and started to run in the middle of the road at full speed, just waiting to hear the gunshot. None came and when I stopped to look back, the carnappers got back into their car and left, leaving my car behind.
Many more exciting, and also frustrating events happened but I can say that three major events have taken their toll on my confidence, zest for life and sense of purpose.
First, in 2003, I discovered that my wife (ex) was having an affair. Although we tried to get back together and work things out, it was never the same again until we finally called it quits in 2009. This has left very deep scars in me and until now I can say that I have not moved on. I filed an annulment thinking that this would finally free me from the shackles but I realize that it would just be a piece of paper. The damage to me will never be healed and I just have to live with it.
Second, my creative work has been my source of fulfillment and pride. In 2005, a friend invited me to be form of a pioneering brand activation company, ActivAsia. The work I did in this company, the mentoring of young creative people, filled me with so much joy and sense of achievement. Even if I would stay late at night or work during weekends, this to me was what creative life was all about. A time to pass-on my knowledge and experience to wide-eyed kids new to the professional world. In 2010, I was called to a meeting and was informed that a new department called, Beyond, had been formed and I would head it. This department was tasked with a more strategic planning task. The creative team was taken out of my duties and passed on to someone else. This was done without consulting me and behind my back. This development really shattered my confidence and self-worth. Until today, I am groping in the dark, feeling my way through, in search of that creativity. No matter what other responsibilities are given to me, it would never fill that emptiness in me. Now that I am managing a digital company, the enthusiasm is not there, there is no fire, there in no passion. It is as if I am just going through the motions to eke out a living. I am hopeful that with my daughter, Aina, coming on board soon to work with me, this would bring back the excitement in my world.
Third, my Dad has been my rock and my shoulder to lean on. He is not only my father but also has become my best buddy. We have worked on so many bonding projects together like, Lake Caliraya rest house pool, Bagoong Club restaurant and the Kapit-Langit Baguio house. During all my difficult moments, he has been by my side to support me both emotionally and financially. Last April, my Dad got sick and almost didn't make it. There were some moments when his condition was critical. Thankfully, he has survived but has to undergo thrice-a-week dialysis sessions. He has become weak and mostly confined to the house. Although I do not show it physically, I am very much affected emotionally and having difficulty in coping. I still hope and pray that we would be granted a miracle of healing. I am not used to seeing my Dad that way and it always breaks my heart to see him lose his vim and vigor.
As I move to another year, despite these heartbreaks, I still am thankful to God, our Lord Jesus and to Mama Mary for all the blessing they have bestowed upon me. I honestly do not know how much longer I have left in this world but all I can say is I AM READY. Thy Will Be Done! Ad Majorem Dei Gloria.
One, in the summer of 1978, when, as a 14-year old, I got a ruptured appendix that led to peritonitis (too medical a term for others but it is an infection in the abdominal cavity). I was operated on twice, was in the ICU for a week, and was given a 50-50 chance of survival.
Two, before Holy Week of 1993, 3:00 in the afternoon, I was traversing the area of ABS-CBN along Bohol Avenue, when my car was bumped from behind. I alighted from my car to speak to the other driver and check-out the damage when suddenly two armed men came out from the back seat and pointed their guns at me. It was an attempted carnap. Instictively, I turned my back and started to run in the middle of the road at full speed, just waiting to hear the gunshot. None came and when I stopped to look back, the carnappers got back into their car and left, leaving my car behind.
Many more exciting, and also frustrating events happened but I can say that three major events have taken their toll on my confidence, zest for life and sense of purpose.
First, in 2003, I discovered that my wife (ex) was having an affair. Although we tried to get back together and work things out, it was never the same again until we finally called it quits in 2009. This has left very deep scars in me and until now I can say that I have not moved on. I filed an annulment thinking that this would finally free me from the shackles but I realize that it would just be a piece of paper. The damage to me will never be healed and I just have to live with it.
Second, my creative work has been my source of fulfillment and pride. In 2005, a friend invited me to be form of a pioneering brand activation company, ActivAsia. The work I did in this company, the mentoring of young creative people, filled me with so much joy and sense of achievement. Even if I would stay late at night or work during weekends, this to me was what creative life was all about. A time to pass-on my knowledge and experience to wide-eyed kids new to the professional world. In 2010, I was called to a meeting and was informed that a new department called, Beyond, had been formed and I would head it. This department was tasked with a more strategic planning task. The creative team was taken out of my duties and passed on to someone else. This was done without consulting me and behind my back. This development really shattered my confidence and self-worth. Until today, I am groping in the dark, feeling my way through, in search of that creativity. No matter what other responsibilities are given to me, it would never fill that emptiness in me. Now that I am managing a digital company, the enthusiasm is not there, there is no fire, there in no passion. It is as if I am just going through the motions to eke out a living. I am hopeful that with my daughter, Aina, coming on board soon to work with me, this would bring back the excitement in my world.
Third, my Dad has been my rock and my shoulder to lean on. He is not only my father but also has become my best buddy. We have worked on so many bonding projects together like, Lake Caliraya rest house pool, Bagoong Club restaurant and the Kapit-Langit Baguio house. During all my difficult moments, he has been by my side to support me both emotionally and financially. Last April, my Dad got sick and almost didn't make it. There were some moments when his condition was critical. Thankfully, he has survived but has to undergo thrice-a-week dialysis sessions. He has become weak and mostly confined to the house. Although I do not show it physically, I am very much affected emotionally and having difficulty in coping. I still hope and pray that we would be granted a miracle of healing. I am not used to seeing my Dad that way and it always breaks my heart to see him lose his vim and vigor.
As I move to another year, despite these heartbreaks, I still am thankful to God, our Lord Jesus and to Mama Mary for all the blessing they have bestowed upon me. I honestly do not know how much longer I have left in this world but all I can say is I AM READY. Thy Will Be Done! Ad Majorem Dei Gloria.
posted by kofranks at 3:06 PM
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